Weeping over the Lord’s Prayer: a First

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My tears arose out of a sort of thought-experiment I did while saying the Lord’s Prayer this morning. Here’s the thought-experiment; you might want to try it yourself.
I’d been imagining people asking me why it was so important to me to be virtuous, like, was it a selfish ambition of mine disguised as its opposite? In many ways it may be, but there’s also the fact that I’m aware of so many people suffering, and wanting to be prayed for by someone that God would listen to, that just for their sakes I’d want to be someone that God would listen to. “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous person availeth much,” wrote James (5:16b).
Now from what I know about God, and please forgive the masculine pronoun, He’s the sort of person that would listen to anybody, righteous or unrighteous, because we’re all His darlings. If He gave us consciousness, then He sees with our eyes and feels with our heart, and His compassion abides with us forever. I know this about God because He gave me a heart to know it with. Scripture also tells me that He had compassion on Cain when Cain complained about the severity of his punishment. Scripture tells me that when I look on Jesus, I also see God, and that Jesus fed even Judas with the mystery of His body and blood, knelt to wash his feet, and forgave him from the cross.
But if I stand before God’s throne covered with the dung and vomit and slime of my own sins, and yes, they really have been that bad, I’ll be so distracted by the smell and feel of my own condition that I won’t be able to remember Who I’m talking to, or why, and my prayer won’t be able to be effectual or fervent.
So first I need a bath. (I imagine the Prodigal Son bathing and washing his garment in some deserted brook, by starlight, on his way back to his father’s house.) The bath is in the Lord’s forgiveness, which is infinite; but in order to receive it, I have to become forgiving, as infinitely as I can be. And of course I’ll need the Lord’s help with that.
So take your bath and drop your grudges and let’s get on with this thought-experiment.
Did I say, Drop your grudges? Your grudges and your shame, too. If it’s brought you this far, it’s served its purpose. If your shame tries to cling to you, and whispers that you’ll never be free of it, and that it’s bigger than God and that it owns you, tell it to go speak to your attorney, Jesus Christ, and not to return without His permission. It will slink away.
O.K. – now start saying the Lord’s Prayer, but as you do, think of what you look like from the vantage point of God on His throne. Don’t worry that this seems like Mickey-Mouse theology; it’s a symbol, it’s a metaphor! God already knows, and forgives, the fact that we can only think about Him, or Her, or Him-and-Her, using metaphors; so be as Mickey-Mouse as you have to be! The throne is high above the fluffy white clouds, and there, down on earth in a little patch of sunlight, is you, logging in to your connection with the Divine by saying “Hallowed be Thy name.”
If you really mean it, you continue to stand in the sunlight. If you don’t, then an ugly, oily, opaque cloud of colloidal dirt – of your own making – instantly blots you out of God’s sight and hearing, plunging you into a stupefying darkness, at least until you say something that you do mean. That’s the rules of this thought-experiment. Ready for the next phrase?
“Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” God is watching you gesture to the earth all around you. Your patch of sunlight is widening. Yes! Now it includes the whole earth, and every creature on it. Do you really mean it? Is there any other kingdom you’re trying to advance, is there any other will that you’re trying to make prevail? Then beware – for in will roll that cloud of dirt, like the great dust-storm whose darkness ended the Jurassic!
But let’s say that you’re still standing in your patch of sunlight. Now comes “Give us this day our daily bread.” Who’s “us?” If you’re asking it on behalf of all creatures, spread your arms wide, and again the fluffy white clouds part, and your patch of sunlight widens to include all your human brothers and sisters, the cows and the earthworms, the alley cats, the roaches and the flies, the angels, the trees and the bacteria. Is there any class of creatures you’d deny their daily bread to? But why? In God’s kingdom, all are meant to live in harmony!
The next phrase is: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” But this, I remind you, is your thought-experiment, and here I must leave you to finish it without me. Here, in my thought-experiment, my tears started, tears of gratitude that I was still standing in a patch of sunlight in the sight of my Creator, still being listened to because, by His grace, my motives had been so purified that I was not secretly trying to bullshit Him, or oppose His will in any matter I’m aware of, or thank Him that I am not as this publican standing next to me: anything, anything could have made that dreadful cloud of dirt roll in and blot me out; but it did not. I’d been permitted to stand in the presence of God, and stay standing. Hallelujah.
God is too good to be true; and yet He is true, even the only true reality there is. Hallelujah; amen.

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