More on how to celebrate International Talk Like a Quaker Day

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So far, nobody has followed up on my call for Quakified ads to sponsor ITLAQ Day. I have, however, some further thoughts on appropriate ways to celebrate the day:

  • Have an ice cream firstdae
  • Wear Friend Size pantyhose
  • Post a video on TheeTube
  • Watch George Fox News
  • Turn off your computer and write with a Penn
  • When crossing the street, be sure to mind the light
  • Sing madrigals like “Now is the month of fifthmonthing”
  • If you hit your thumb with a hammer, affirm loudly
  • Then make like Barclay and Apologize profusely
  • Shop at Friend & Taylor
  • Sow some tame oats
  • Put plain dressing on your salad
  • As George Gascoigne wrote in 1575, anticipating Quaker values, “Do you, if you will follow my advise, eschue prolixitie and knit up your discourse as compendiously as you may, for breuitie (so that it be not drowned in obscuritie) is most commendable.” Or, in modern English, “Get to the point.”

…and, of course, BE QUIET if you have nothing inspired to say.

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10 Responses to “More on how to celebrate International Talk Like a Quaker Day”

  1. Thy Friend John Says:

    What if International Talk Like a Quaker Day became so popular that all candidates for public office felt obliged to tell the plain truth about what’s really in their hearts — since that’s what Talk Like a Quaker means, if anything — on October 24, two weeks before the election? Would we still want to vote for any of them?

  2. kate Says:

    Here are some ad suggestions:

    Come to Weight Watchers and be a less weighty Friend!

    Buy our dog treats, and make Friend’s Best Friend happy!

  3. quakerpastor Says:

    Another ad suggestion:
    “Got Friends?’

  4. kate Says:

    I like that!

  5. kate Says:

    Of course, my favorite Quaker ad is the slogan on the Pennsylvania license plates: “You’ve got a friend in Pennsylvania.” Do they still have that?

    I don’t think they meant Friend, but it would have been appropriate, given PA’s history. I always read it as “You’ve got a Friend in Pennsylvania,” anyway.

    Perhaps “Thee has a Friend in Pennsylvania” would be more obvious to us, if more perplexing to non-Quakers.

  6. Amy Says:

    I hear people who use MySpace, Facebook and other social-networking sites use “friend” as a verb, as in, “My site is set to private but I’ll friend you so you can read it.” Maybe you could capital-F Friend people for the day.

    You could also go to a play, music performance etc. and applaud with the ASL sign for applause (the last picture on this page); I used to attend a monthly meeting that did that for announcements made after meeting for worship.

  7. Ben Says:

    This is hilarious. Sign me up for International Speak Like A Quaker Day. May I propose an eveing of Quaker Stand-Up Comedy? Some really awful Quaker jokes:

    How many Quakers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    I don’t know.

    Me either. I’ll check with the Property Committee.

    ***

    What do you call a bunch of Quakers in a library?

    Dunno.

    Redundant.

    ***

    Did you hear about the guy who read alound from the Village Voice during meeting for worship?

    What was that about?

    He was giving Local Ministry.

    ***

    Elder McKey, I have some questions about sex.

    Young Benjamin, thee knows that Quakers don’t have sex. But I will try to speak to thy condition.

    Well, there’s this girl (improv)

    Thee must use Faith and Practice.

    How does that work?

    You have faith that if you practice enough, eventually thee will figure it out.

    ***

    Did you hear about the guy who spoke gibberish at meeting for worship?

    Get out.

    Yeah, he was giving Loco Ministry.

    ***

    Two Quakers walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they’ll have.

    “I’ll take a virgin Between the Sheets”

    “Hey! This ain’t that kind of joint!”

    “No, no, no – thee misunderstands. It’s a drink with everything but the alcohol”

    “What fun is that?”

    “Now thee understands”

    ****

    Elder Longstreth had the best garden in the county, known for its sweet peas. So the mayor came to see it.

    Elder Longstreth led the mayor into the woods following a trail of peas. After 10 minutes of walking, the mayor said:

    “Look, I just want to get to the peas!”

    Elder Longstreth replied,

    “There is no way to peas, peas is the way”

    ***

    What do you get when you cross a Catholic and a Quaker?

    Quiet guilt.

    ***

    What do you get when you cross a Quaker and a Jew?

    A circumscribed member

    ***

    What do you get when you cross a Quaker with a White Anglo Saxon Protestant?

    A trustworthy fund.

    ***

    Did you hear about the Quaker comedian?

    No.

    That’s because he doesn’t exist.

    ***

  8. kate Says:

    Wonderful! Thanks, Ben!

  9. Dottie Says:

    Every Sunday I go quackers……………thats what my family say. Ha

  10. Scarlet Says:

    Hello everyone, Happy April Fool’s Day!!

    There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!”
    The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”
    When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, “Wow these mugs are big!” The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”
    After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.” The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which led to the swimming pool, and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”

    Happy April Fool’s Day!

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